Belonging-Centered Coaching for Neurodiverse Minds
I used to be quite scared to show up with vulnerability.
In-person, on-line, anywhere.
I was very concerned people would judge me. This existed throughout my HR career (yes, imposter syndrome was real for me) and grew exponentially since having two strokes in my 40’s and neurodivergence now being part of my identity.
I was worried people may think I’m not smart enough because I need time to process and think; that I’m difficult because I don’t do well in loud spaces, and that I’m not well spoken because sometimes the aphasia I still have as a result of my strokes means that I can’t get out the word I want to, and need to re-start some of my sentences.
You know what that is? That’s masking. That’s stigma. That’s systemic ableism in full force.
I don’t feel that way anymore. What I’ve learned from stepping into vulnerability, out loud?
It makes my heart race.
It makes me feel brave.
I feel authentic in speaking my truth.
Recently I had the opportunity to speak at the International Coaching Federation (ICF) Conference and AGM, a talk I called “Belonging-Centered Coaching for Neurodiverse Minds”.
This was the first time I’ve shared my story in person…to about 100 people…with videocameras all over.
What I planned for:
To speak about my stroke story and how I came to identify as neurodivergent. To share common barriers neurodivergent folks often face. To share three practices we can all - as organizations, coaches, leaders, friends, family - incorporate to support the neurodiversity that exists amongst us: Design for Difference, Consent and Cadence and Co-Creating Containers.
What I wasn't expecting?
Multiple people raising their hand, stepping into vulnerability with me, and and sharing their story. 1:1 conversations afterwards, creating amazing new connections. My natural, pre-speaking nerves vanished, giving me an overwhelming feeling of validation and support from the audience.
Here are some examples.
The three practices I presented were Design for Difference, Consent and Cadence and Co-Creating Containers.
Someone asked me “where should I start?”.
Design for Difference is the foundation. The principle: create flexible, brain-friendly environments by default.
Design for Differences is about the environment that we’re creating. This practice is about anticipating cognitive diversity and designing inclusively from the start. It’s rooted in principles of universal design and accessibility.
By offering flexibility - different ways to engage, participate, communicate, and process - we remove the barrier for neurodivergent folks to have to ask for adjustments or accommodations. Consider these four:
Share documents in advance.
Sharing documents such as agendas, questions, pre-reading, or agreements are incredibly helpful to share in advance. This also helps to build an understanding of roles and responsibilities. The idea here is to let people know what you’re going to asking of them, before you ask them.
Build time prosperity.
Recognizing that we may have a different relationship with time, and not all strategies will work for everyone, matters. By building abundance, control, and intentionality with time in spaces with others, we can support neurodivergent brains to process. One example is to offer silent think time. This may feel awkward to you in a meeting or a 1:1 conversation, but offering it as an option to others builds trust and belonging. You may have thought about this in terms of folks who identify as being introverted, and this also applies to some who are neurodivergent.
Multi-modal participation.
Offering different ways to engage allows people to engage their strengths. This could look like verbal engagement, offering the chat function in an online meeting, including the offer of phone or camera off in a virtual meeting, or in-person.
Sensory environment.
The environment that surrounds us can be very negatively impactful to neurodivergent folks. Lighting, scents, loud noises, big speakers - many of these, and more, pull our brains to have to process through the disrupting environment to intake the actual information being provided. Personally, this exhausts my brain and my body, and I’ll often have to leave the space to regulate my nervous system. When you’re building space for conversation, consider the lighting, the sounds, the secondary noise sources - all of these make a difference.
The goal here isn’t to magically make a space perfect. It’s an opportunity to consider these things, and seek input from the people involved.
“Together, these allow us to design the space with inclusion in mind, and then build it with the people it includes.”
More on the Three Practices
Design for Difference is the foundation. Stay tuned for the two additional posts in this series: Consent and Cadence, the focus on co-authoring safety, and Co-Creating Containers, how we can build our relationships with others in support of all neurotypes.
Curious what this could look like for your organization? I offer external neuroinclusive coaching, both 1:1 and for groups in organizations through engaged, hands-on workshops. I’m building my availability for 2026. Email me or find a time here. I’d love to support you in this work.
Gratefully,
Jacquelin